#!/usr/bin/env luajit
-- Dear $entity, you are $insultprefix $insult. Please $instruction. $utterance. $love, Matthew.
entity = {
"Windows",
"NTL",
"X keysyms",
"BA's online booking system",
"VISUAL FUCKING STUDIO",
"people who use mail whitelisting services",
"shell",
"Mr. DasherView.cpp",
"STA",
"Windows 2000",
"debian-legal",
"frontal sinuses",
"spammers",
"PCMCIA",
"Microsoft's ACPI compiler",
"Windows's MISERABLE EXCUSE for an accessibility API",
"RMS",
"ESR",
"STA",
"PC World",
"world",
"Debian developers",
"Intel",
"whoever stole my IDE cables",
"T-Mobile",
}
insultprefix = {
"steaming ",
"fuckwanking ",
"Jesus-wanking ",
"cunting ",
"shitting ",
"fucking ",
"",
"",
"",
}
insult = {
"COMPLETE SHIT",
"worse than paedophiles",
"a PILE. OF. ARSE",
"a pile of masturbatory wank",
"wankwits",
"murderous bastards",
"green masturbatory wank",
"fuckwankers",
"utter utter bastards",
"cockfarmers",
}
instruction = {
"have your skin grated and lemon applied",
"be struck by lightning twenty times and have a plane crash on you, but finally be killed by an ambulance driver selecting reverse by accident",
"be cordially invited to ingest my engorged genitalia",
"reserve them a place in the BIG CHEMICAL FIRE that will be the first thing to happen after the revolution",
"fuck off and die in a great big chemical fire before I get back there to beat you",
"suffer a massive stroke immediately",
"fuck off or I'll be forced to attack you with an electric drill",
"Die. No, really.",
"choke on a bucket of cocks (jwz++)",
"suck my engorged cock",
"consume sodium",
"DIE YOU UTTER UTTER BASTARDS",
"die in a big chemical fire while I watch and laugh",
"suffer flaming plastic death",
"be subject to flaming plastic anal violation",
"BURN TO THE GROUND"
}
utterance = {
"FURIOUS ANGER",
"I feel dirty",
"Fuckwankery",
"k thx bye",
"HRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH",
"GOD DAMN IT, PEOPLE",
"CHRIST",
"Christing puce",
"FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST",
}
love = {
"Love",
"No love",
"Not much love",
"I hate you all",
}
local template = "Dear $(entity), you are $(insultprefix)$(insult). Please $(instruction). $(utterance). $(love), Matthew."
d = io.open("/dev/urandom", "r"):read(4)
math.randomseed(d:byte(1) + (d:byte(2) * 256) + (d:byte(3) * 65536) + (d:byte(4) * 4294967296))
--math.randomseed(os.time() + os.clock() * math.random())
io.write "Cache-Control: no-cache\r\nPragma: no-cache\r\nContent-Type: text/html\r\nStatus: 200 Ok\r\n\r\n"
print "Virtual mjg59"
print((string.gsub(template, "%$%((.-)%)", function(t)
local t = _G[t]
local e = math.random(table.getn(t))
return t[e]
end)))
print "Refresh for more abuse. Source is here."